Quotes: Humerous Definitions
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Quotes: Definitions For Fun And To Delight You!
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Quotes: Crazy definitions for N
Naοve person: Anyone who thinks you are interested when you ask how he is.
Neighbor: A person who is out of something.
Nero: A Roman who was careless with candles.
Nurses: Patient people.
Quotes: Now on to O
Obstinate person: One who doesn’t hold opinions; they hold him.
Old-timer: Someone who remembers when charity was a virtue, not an organization.
Operation, minor: One performed on someone else.
Optimist: A fisherman who takes a camera with him when he goes fishing.
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Optimist: A person who looks forward to enjoying the scenery on a detour.
Optimist: One who laughs to forget, whereas a pessimist forgets to laugh.
Optimist: Someone who sets aside an afternoon to do Christmas shopping.
Optimist: The person who thinks he will never be a sucker again. Herbert V. Prochnow
Oratory: The art of making deep sounds from the chest seem like important messages from the brain.
Organ: A large upright bagpipe.
Originality: The art of concealing your source. Franklin P. Jones
Quotes: We only start at P again!
Parents: Hardships of children.
Patience: The companion of wisdom St Augustine
Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.
Patriot: The person who is sorry he has but one income to give to his country.
Pawnbroker: One who lives off the flat of the land.
Peace: A short period between wars.
Pessimist: A person who always says things are going to get worse.
Pessimist: A person who is happy when he is wrong. Herbert V. Prochnow
Pessimist: A person who lives with an optimist.
Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.
Philosophy: The system of being unhappy intelligently.
Picnic: An ant’s lunch
Playing by note: Learning to play the piano by note instead of by ear. Thirty-six payments on the note and the piano is yours to learn to play.
Plumber: A person who hangs out under people’s sinks.
Poise: The ability to act so that no one suspects how ill at ease you really are.
Poise: The ability to be ill at ease naturally.
Politician: A goon with the wind. Bob Hope
Possibly: No or yes in three syllables.
Praise: The sweetest of all sounds.
Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.
Pretzel: A biscuit that got lost on a detour.
Primitive artist: An amateur whose work sells.
Procrastination: The greatest time-saver of all.
Procrastinator: One who puts off until tomorrow the things he has already put off until today.
Proof of purchase: An empty wallet.
Prosperity: Something created by hard-working citizens for politicians to boast about.
Prosperity: Something you feel, fold and send to the Internal Revenue Service.
Pun: The lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it first.
Quotes: Q has also failed us so on to R
Race track: A place where windows clean people.
Rare volume: A borrowed book that comes back.
Reformer: Someone who wants his conscience to be your guide.
Reindeers: Horses with hatracks.
Relative, distant: One who can be very distant especially when he has lots of money.
Resort: A place where people go to for sunshine and fresh air and then sit indoors and play bridge all day.
Resort: A town where the inhabitants live on your vacation money until the next summer.
Retraction: To make one take back a statement. For example: A newspaper headline said, ”Half of the City Council Are Crooks.“ The City Council demanded a retraction. The next day the headline said, ”Half of the City Council Are Not Crooks.“
Ringleader: The first in a large family to take a bath on a Saturday night.
Road hog: A car driver who meets you more than halfway.
Rock: The kind of music no matter what notes you play, wrong sounds the same.
Rummage sale: Where you buy stuff from other people’s attics to put in your own.
Runner, marathon: A person who is happy to be over the hill.
Rush hour: When you travel the shortest distance in the longest time.
Quotes: Have a look at S
Scotchhman: The only golfer who wouldn’t knock a golf ball out of sight.
Security: When I’m very much in love with somebody extraordinary who loves me back. Shelley Winters
Self-control: The ability to carry a credit card and not abuse it.
Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.
Skunk: A community scenter.
Small town: A place where everybody knows whose check is good.
Smart fellow: A person who says what he thinks, provided he agrees with us.
Statesman: A politician away from home.
Statesmanship: The art of changing a nation from what it is to what it ought to be.
Suburbs: A kind of healthy grave. Sydney Smith
Success: A country retail merchant retired with a fortune of $100,000. That was success. His ability to retire with $100,000, after 40 years, was due to hard work, strict attention to duty, absolute honesty, economical living, and to the recent death of his uncle, who left him $98,500.
Successful wife’s motto: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again.
Quotes: Crazy definitions with T
Tailor: A person who does sew-sew work.
Tax: A fine for doing right. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Teacher, best: The one who makes you want to learn.
Tears: A good-buy product.
Teenager: One who is old enough to know everything.
Television: A device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything.
Television: Chewing gum for the eyes. Frank Lloyd Wright
Thrift: A wonderful virtue especially in an ancestor.
Tomorrow: The day you are going to clean the garage.
Toot ensemble: Two hundred cars waiting for a green light at a busy intersection on a Sunday afternoon.
Torn: Ripped or tone in the South.
Tragedy: A bride with a can opener.
Triumph: Umph added to try.
Quotes: No U so on to V
Vacation: When older people find out they are not as young as they feel.
Vacuum cleaner: A broom with a stomach.
Vote: When you have a chance to choose the lesser of evils.
Quotes: And now for W
Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread. American Boy
War: A passion play performed by idiots. Bill Corum
Webster, Noah: The author who had the biggest vocabulary.
Wife, model: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband.
Wife, thoughtful: One who has the steaks on when her husband returns from his fishing trip.
Wind: Weather on the go.
Woman, intelligent: One who has brains enough to tell a man how wonderful he is.
Woman’s ambition: To be weighed and found wanting.
Worry: The advance interest you pay on troubles that seldom come.
Wretched: How you pronounce Richard in the South.
Quotes: only one for Z!
Zebra: A striped horse.
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