Simon Peter said, "You're the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God."

Mat 16:16 

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A jeweler had to go downtown to see about additional Christmas good, and left his store in charge of his son, Joey.

"You understand the price marks, Joey?" he said. "Five dots for $25, six dots for $30, etc."

"Sure father, I understand," replied the boy.

When the jeweler returned his son met him at the door. "I had good luck, father. I sold two $5 bracelets and three $30 watches."

"Yes, yes Joey, but we have no $30 watches. The highest we have i $25."

"Then the marks are wrong, father"

The jeweler lifted his eyes and hands heavenward. "Joey." he said, "God bless the flies."

Anon

By the time father gets the vacation bills paid it will be time to think about the Christmas presents.

Anon

Gift shop: a place where you can see all the things you hope your friends won't send you for Christmas.

Anon

Man: a creature who buys football tickets three months in advance and waits until Christmas Eve to do his gift shopping.

Anon

Married folk have an advantage at Christmas. Two can give as cheaply as one.

Anon

Safety slogan used in Los Angeles during Christmas and New Year's season: "Don't let death take your holiday."

Anon

The girl was shopping for a Christmas gift  for her brother and noticed an attractive pair of pajamas. She asked the price.

"Fifty dollars." answered the clerk.

"for fifty dollars," snapped the girl. 'they should have a man in them."

Anon.

"How many people attend your church?" one pator asked another.

"sixty regular, and about three hundred C and E."

"What's C and E?" the other asked.

Came the quick answer: "Christmas and Easter."

Anon

The little boy turned in his Christmas drawing to the teacher. It showed two camels approaching the inn, over which was painted a huge star. but the third camel and its rider were shown gong away from the inn.

"Why is the third man gong in a different direction?" asked the teacher.

"Oh," said the boy, "he's just looking for a place to park."

Anon

He was one of these silent types, and he applied for a Christmas job at the post office.

The questionare included a space to hive the reason he left his last job. His response: "Done all the work."

He had also served in the Army, and to the question, "Why did you leave the armed service?" he answered, "won the war."

Anon
 

Just befor Christmas a college professor read the following on an examination paper: "God only knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas."

Across the same paper the professor wrote: "God get an A; you get an F. Happy New Year."

Anon

The man an his wife were sitting by the fireside. He had just returned from a lodge meeting. "You're always asking me to tell you a lodge secrst." he said. "Well, I could tell you one now, but you wouln't like it."

"oh, do tell me! i will like it. Tell me!"

"okay," said the husband. "the secret is that I just paid my dues for the year and you won't get a Christmas present."

Anon

The elderly lady stopped at the corner cigar store to buy some Christmas cigars for her husband. Being unaccustomed to the ways of a tobacco shop, she stood bewildered beside the cigar couter. To an approaching clerk she finally said, "I want some cigars for my husband, please."

"Yes, and what kind.ma'am?" asked the clerck politely.

"Well, now, I don't know exactly," she confided, "but he's fity-five and always dresses in a black suit."

Anon

Little Johnny's aunt, a lady of most generous build, had come for a Christmas visit and he had been gazing at her raptly for aome minutes. Finally, he could stand it no longer.

"Mama," he cried, "does Santa Claus fill everybody's stockings?"

"Of course, dear," replied the mother in some surprise.

"Grown-up people's too?"

"Yes, dear."

"Well," returned Johnny, "I hope he gets to mine first."

Anon.

The youngster walked into the bandk to open an account. He had twenty-five dollars. The bank's vice-president gave him a benign smile and asked how such a small boy had accumulated so much money.

"Selling Christmas cards," the boy said.

"Well," said the banker, "you've done very well. Sold them to lots of people, obviously."

"Nope," the boy answered proudly, "I sold all of them to one family. Their dog bit me."

Anon

It was decided that the ten-year-old girl of the family should be given something practical for Christmas. "Suppose we open a svings account in the bank for you?" suggested her mother.

"Now remember, darling," said the mother, "as they arrived at the bank, "it's your account so you fill out the application."

The child was doing just fine until she came to the space where it said, "Name of your former bank." She podered that a moment, and then put down,"piggy.'

Anon

"Pop" inquired Junior, "what is a financial genius?"

"A financial genius, my boy," replied the father thoughtfully, "is a man who can pay his family's Christmas bills in January."

Anon

The maternity hospital had a bumper crop of babies during the Christmas season and the nurses had been run ragged. one afternoon as visiting hours began, a roar of laughter came from a group of young fathers gathered in front of the nursery observation window. A supervisor hurried in to see what was causing the gaiety. Emblazoned on the window in foot-high letters surrounded by musical notes was. "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen."

Anon

The Sunday School teacher was telling the class about the armor of the Christian.She told of the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, and added, "And Paul said we should carry a weapon which he says is the Word of God. Do you remember what he called the Word of god?"

There was no answer, so she added, "it's something very sharp, something that cuts."

"I know, I know!" one little feoow answered. "It's the axe of the Apostles!"

Anon

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Rudolph the Re-nosed Reindeer was created in 1939 by Robert L. May, a montgomery-Ward catalog copywriter, in a booklet for the store's Santas to give away to children. May says, "Rudolph's the first reindeer that ever kept the wolf from the door."

Last Chridtmas I bought a hobby horse for my granddaughter. It came in a large box which contained 189 parts and could be put together in one hour. Sure it could, if you've just graduated from MIT and have a machine shop in your basement. I decided I didn't have to accept that kind of indignity, so, when I went to pay for it, I tore my check in 189 pieces and wrote them a little note telling them if they like to put things together let them work on that. One sad ending to my story..... they did!

Bill Veeck.

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